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The
Child Comes First
By Rabbi Yeshaya Weber
Melamdim
are shluchim with a goal and a holy mission, overflowing with great
responsibility: the education of Jewish children and the preservation and
perpetuation of our tradition. * To accomplish our goal we must be prepared to
sacrifice ourselves, sometimes ignoring limitations and rules, overcoming
challenges and adjusting to our environment, all for the sake of the child.
In the
previous article we examined a child’s place within the educational system. We
saw that the system is flawed and doesn’t always meet our expectations, since
it cannot possibly be the ideal system we wish for. The system is compelled to
address the needs of the group, maintain the administrators. We analyzed
the givens, which until now have been accepted as undisputed facts without
anybody daring to challenge them. After all, pure chinuch is kodesh
kadashim for all of us, and who would dare argue with traditional Jewish
education?
Some of
these are basic premises, the very foundation of the entire system – not
sourced in educational practices of yesteryear, but in the exigencies of our
time.
The
question is: can we change? We know that our generation is different than those
that preceded it, which is why a different approach developed. Now after all the
flaws have surfaced – and we must admit that in many areas our system has
failed – is it possible to look elsewhere? Is there anything else? And who can
guarantee that another educational approach will be more successful?
The
questions demonstrate a fear: fear of innovation and fear of creativity.
For a
suitable educational framework to produce satisfactory results and achieve the
maximum potential of every child, we must discuss the difference between working
within the educational framework and being an educator.
Working
within the educational framework means the curriculum is arranged and prepared
in advance. There’s a beginning, a middle, an end, and another beginning. Each
unit is timed and the clock keeps ticking. Not keeping to the schedule leads to
later pressure, which hardly contributes to a calm classroom environment. Yet a
tranquil atmosphere is vital for it enables the students to learn and
internalize their lessons.
Not so
for the educator. Here too, there is an ongoing process and long-range goals,
but at the same time they are not rigid and unyielding; the curriculum is not
closed and sealed. If yesterday’s carefully prepared lesson is unsuitable for
today, the educator can be flexible. He can adjust the plan to today’s
circumstances. He doesn’t force it at all costs. Yes, the clock is ticking and
there is material to cover, yet the rule is: The child and what’s best for him
comes first!
In a sicha
on Parshas VaYigash we find a deep message which all teachers ought to
internalize as a directive and mission statement in their holy work. When Yehuda
approached Yosef, the second to the king, with mesirus nefesh for the
sake of his brother Binyamin, he did so because, "Your servant is a
guarantor responsible for the boy."
In such
a situation, there are no consideration and calculations, and all plans go out
the window. We had a plan to return home to our father Yaakov? Too bad, we’re
not going, because we are responsible for the child.
The
Rebbe mentions another story that supports this point. Emissaries of the Chafetz
Chaim, zt’l, returned to him in great disappointment after they failed
to carry out an important communal matter.
"We
tried everything," they declared, describing their efforts and toil. They
explained that they had done all they could; there was nothing else they could
have done. "But it was all for naught," they concluded helplessly and
apologetically.
The
Chafetz Chaim listened and one could see the great pain on his face over their
failure to carry out their mission. "And fainting? Did any of you
faint?" he asked in a tremulous voice.
The men
looked at each other in consternation. They had planned their activities in
advance, down to the tiniest detail, yet fainting hadn’t been included...
We
should not learn from this to act in a disorderly way, and to approach our tasks
unprepared and just go with the flow spontaneously. On the contrary, the Tzemach
Tzedek said that order is the first rule in avodas Hashem. There should
always be a well thought-out lesson plan, but flexibility is crucial. There must
always be room for changes and for doing things that were not originally
included.
As the
Rebbeim taught us, a Jew must be above the world and also act in ways that
aren’t generally accepted – to be in the world yet beyond it. Educators have
to rise above order and logic, yet at the same time they must approach chinuch
in a manner that is orderly and rooted in a strong foundation.
The
Rebbe MH"M is a great believer in the power of proper chinuch
administered with great personal sacrifice to accomplish great things. The Rebbe
not only spoke about this, but actually did it himself. He wrought a tremendous
educational revolution in the world. [Ed. President George W. Bush signed a
proclamation declaring April 4, 2001 Education and Sharing Day, in honor of the
Rebbe.]
This
revolution is thanks to the mesirus nefesh of the shluchim who
don’t take the rules of the world into account. They have a goal and they do
not reckon with the world around them when they work to realize this goal.
We too,
the educators and teachers, are shluchim with a lofty goal. We have the
holy task of educating Jewish children and preserving our tradition. For the
sake of this goal we must act with total self-sacrifice while ignoring
limitations and rules. We must overcome the barriers and challenges and use the
environment we are in to help us achieve our goal. We must not, ch’v,
do the opposite, limiting ourselves and the achievement of our goal due
to external pressure.
If we
truly feel ourselves to be Chassidim of the Rebbe, we have the obligation to
follow his path and his approach. Chinuch demands mesirus nefesh
and actions, which seem extraordinary, but this is how the Rebbe does it. If we
act as he does, we will also be able to use the power of education as a tool to
change our generation.
*
* *
Question:
My bar mitzva-age son spends quite a bit of time on his appearance. He
selects his suit carefully and his shoes must be a recognizable brand name.
He’s even particular about his belt. He says that his friends dress like this
and he doesn’t want to be different. My dilemma is whether I should be
concerned or whether I should ignore it, hoping it will be a passing phase.
Answer:
At this age it is common for boys to fuss over their appearance. As the
child matures he is more aware of the world around him, as well as of himself.
This fact has numerous ramifications, one of which is concern with one’s
appearance. Concern with appearance is an expression of mixed emotions. The
child is on the verge of adulthood, yet hasn’t parted with childhood.
This
phenomenon is more or less dependent on his friends. One of the characteristics
of this age is the importance the child attributes to belonging to the group.
It’s important to him to be like everybody else. If the group he is in views
fashion and superficiality as very important, it is very likely that the child
will be influenced and follow the crowd.
We must
listen to the child and feel the struggle he experiences, and try to understand
what he’s going through. It’s important to let him know that we definitely
understand him. At the same time, you should check to see how important
externalities are to him. When it’s not extreme, there’s no reason to go to
war over it. You can readily compromise after an open discussion.
The
energy is better put to use in positive ways. Focus on the child’s positive
strengths where you both see eye to eye and are both satisfied, and draw on this
to support the child. This support strengthens the child’s self-confidence and
gives him acknowledgement and belief in his own strengths. It will lessen
feelings of isolation within the system at those times when he has to pull away
from the dictates of the group if they aren’t doing what he thinks is right.
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